Why aren’t I married?
by Sis. Marquis Harper
The Bureau of Labor Statistics states there are more unmarried than married people in the US. About 50.2 percent of American adults are single. In 1950, that number was about 22 percent. Consequently, there are many single Christians despite the fact that it is probably easier to meet people now than ever before through social media and communication technologies. As the percentage of single people continues to grow, so does the question, “Lord, why am I still single?”
The following are several reasons why:
- Trying to be perfect – Many single Christians want to be the prettiest, sexiest, most handsome, wealthiest, smartest and most holy. Perfection will not bring the perfect companion or lead to a perfect marriage. Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart (Palms 36:4).
- Spiritual attack on godly men and women – There are not enough eligible, God-fearing potential mates. They are unavailable for numerous reasons including large numbers of incarcerated men, more people are openly gay, bisexual or totally confused about their sexual identity, and more people want to be in multiple relationships. Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in Him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:8-10).
- Too secure in financial independence – Many single Christians are very accomplished in their careers and they believe they are so talented and intelligent that there is not a help meet for them. The Bible says to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think (Phil. 4:11). It’s fine to remain single; in fact for the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I (unmarried), But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn … He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife … and she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband (1 Cor. 7:8-34).
- Cannot find the right person – Many single Christians cannot find their Abraham/Sarah, Boaz/Ruth, or Joseph/Mary because they are searching for someone that has their plans for a successful future all together. However, God’s faithful people had good relationships with God so He used them and blessed them. Look for a mate who knows how to follow directions from the best planner. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God (Rom 8:14).
- Immature faith or poor prayer life – single Christians want partners that are good, holy, faithful, romantic, dependable, reliable, prudent, ethical, hard working, and on and on and on. However, if you examine yourselves do you measure up to your own standards? You say you have faith and trust God, but you search for mates you believe have the ability to keep you happy forever. But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him (Heb. 11:6). Pray for someone that can accelerate you towards your God-given purpose realizing that everyone is precious in God’s eyes. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths (Prov. 3:5-6).
- Unapproachable behavior – single Christians who are interested in you always watch you from afar. They watch how you treat others. They observe how you handle situations with suitors. Therefore, let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Eph. 4:31-32).
- Misunderstandings about marriage – single Christians want to be married but they are not truly ready. Men do not want to be leaders and women do not want to be led. They want a pre-nup because they do not want to share their assets. They insist that all expenses will be 50:50. They believe marriage is a dreamy fantasy; and although the wedding day may be a fairytale, marriage is a real life-long commitment. From the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (Mark 10:6-9). To make marriage work it takes love, prayer, forgiveness, faith and the understanding that there are no perfect people, thus no perfect marriages.
I praise the Lord whether married or single, we are unto the Lord;
whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s
(Romans 14:8).
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